SuperJanitor

It was five years ago today that I began to grow my hair. For the whole of my life to that time, I had always had short or very short hair. Never did it get more than a few inches long, except maybe when I was still in diapers, but that doesn’t count. Presently I feel that this hairstyle has run its course. I let it grow for four years before having some length taken off of it, leaving a foot left. It has been a defining feature of the me for the longest time. I’m not sure I would know how to act without my hair.

And so in my reluctance to let go of my hard grown hair, I’ve begun to search for alternatives. There are styles other than the one I have now, which is either down or in a pony tail. These are some of the selected styles I’ve been thinking about:

Really Long Hair (aka The Rapunzel)

This is a surprising first style to be looking at since I just got through saying I don’t want my current hair style. This is true, but what is also true is that once hair goes past a certain length it becomes more than just hair, it becomes an appendage unto itself. We have all seen the people with the really long hair style, and it is something to behold isn’t it? It’s impressive in a Ripley’s Believe it or Not sort of way. While I did have long hair, I never had the really long hair look, seeing as though I never reached guru status and all. This is probably the easiest look for me to achieve, requiring no effort on my part at all, just to let my hair continue growing.

Rapunzel is the one on the left.

Dreadlocks (aka the Bob Marley)

What says liberal arts 20-something college student more than long hair? Why dreadlocks of course! Without having to do any cutting, I could get the dreadlock look. In place of cutting, however, there is the task of creating dreadlocks, which is not only time consuming but also rather permanent. The permanent factor is what has kept me from already having the dreadlock look. There is also a measure of social stigma attached to the dreadlock look, mostly negative. Well I think that it’s gotten a bad rap, though I’m not out to prove anything. In the past I’ve had my hair in dreadlocks, and there are a few improvements over loose hair. For one thing, having your hair in dreadlocks keeps it more together (obviously), this means that there aren’t strands getting in your face/eyes/nose/mouth/ear, which is actually really nice, to not have to deal with that. It also gives your hair more volume by default. Your hair is in bunches, it sits up higher, makes you look like you have more hair than you do. Also it’s fun to wave around.

Bob Marley

The Skullet (aka the Devin Townsend)

My first style that would require some amount of cutting. The skullet consists of long hair all the way around the skull, except for the top which is cut short, or with most cases is bald(ing). The skullet then mostly derives from people who are in the process of balding on top, but still want to hang on to whatever hair they still have, and grow it out wherever they can. But this look can also be achieved artificially, and would have to be in my case since I am not balding and don’t plan on it for a number of years. If I do end up balding, at least with this style I can see how it would look on me.

Devin Townsend

The Mullet (aka the Time Traveler)

What separates the mullet from the skullet is that the mullet generally only has the length of hair in the back of the scalp. Business in the front, party in the back, so to speak. This hairstyle also has a certain social stigma. By wearing your hair this way you are effectively telling the world you want to belong to a group of individuals who are known for wearing the mullet. But I believe that the mullet can be worn tactfully and professionally. I suppose there really is only one way to test that theory. Well, I am in the south after all.

This is not a joke.

The Comb Over (aka the John McCain)

The old balding standby, the comb over. This is what you do when you have little hair left to speak of on the top of your head, but can still grow it everywhere else. I could create the comb over look no problem. In fact I could also probably do a comb over moustache as well, with the length of hair I have presently. Comb overs are again reserved for a general type of person. The type of person who just can’t accept the fact they they are of the balding sort, and probably old. Old since they aren’t hip enough to sport the skullet, and also because they are in fact balding. But for me this would be a chance to look through their eyes, to see how someone with a comb over might see the world. I might just find something out about myself I had not previously known.

John McCain

The Male Pattern Baldness (aka the Patrick Stewart)

But what happens when someone who is balding embraces their baldness? I’ll tell you what happens, you get things like Star Trek: The Next Generation, wait that’s not right. You get people like Patrick Stewart! And who wouldn’t want to have the male pattern baldness look when a guy like Patrick Stewart wears it so well. Not too many people I can think of. The male pattern baldness evokes a certain amount of dignity to the person who wears it. It says, I’ve been around long enough to know what’s going on, I am wise, and that I should probably engage.

Patrick Stewart

I could continue, but the rest of the hairstlyes out there seem trivial, and oh so normal. Typical short hairstyles seem like just that typical. So I will leave these for your and my continued consideration.

I began growing out my facial hair on October 1st, 2008, and only shaved off the sides and stuff on Thanksgiving day; November 27th, 2008. So I’ve still got some hair there, and it’s still growing.

See, it’s actually very easy to grow out a beard. And this goes for you ladies out there as well, just follow these simple steps:

Step 1: don’t shave your face.

Step 2: ????

Step 3: Profit!

And that’s all there really is to it! Goodnight folks!