SuperJanitor

Wednesday December 2nd, 2009 10:30PM

I arrive back home after a long day at school and park my car, just like any other day. Nothing, it seems, was out of the ordinary. I turn in for the night, just like any other night.  This, of course, was not like any other night. But not by any of my own devices, what made this particular night extraordinary, was a couple of roving larcenists.

Around 8AM the next day, I was woken up and directed to the front door, apparently there was a “situation”. I look outside and see my car parked where I left it, except the trunk was open. I wasn’t quite sure what to think about it immediately. I just thought, well that’s odd. So I put on some shoes and went outside to take a look. Here’s what I found:

Oh, right, someone broke into my car. Obviously they had broken then back window, unlocked the back door, then the front door from there, and went to town. Well, to the extent they could in my car. I don’t keep a whole lot in my car in terms of anything. So they rummaged through my glove box, center console, and the trunk. The only thing they took was a radar detector, worth around $60 – $80, but I didn’t pay for it, so I really have no idea. After looking over the car, I put everything back where it belonged, took some pictures, and plotted my next move.

Turns out, my next move came to me. About an hour later, the Plano police knocks on my door, and I greet the officer. Walking towards the car, I tell him what I know, which was very little. He, on the other hand, knew quite a bit. There were two people (incidentally both were UTD students) targeting cars with the University of Texas at Dallas parking passes displayed in their cars. The night they came through my street there was one person on foot and one in a car. They were apparently checking to see what cars had the UTD parking tags in their cars. If they did, they would break into these cars. They had been doing this for at least a few days prior to this particular night, and fortunately for the rest of us, it was their last night.

Their little crime streak ended when someone heard them breaking into their car, and chased the thieves down (in his underwear apparently). The person in the car obviously was able to drive away, but the one on foot was caught by the man whose car they were breaking into. From there I’m sure some other people noticed the commotion, the police were necessarily called, and the thief on foot was hauled off. The police officer I was talking to said it wasn’t difficult to track down the accomplice in the car, probably because there is no honor among thieves, and the guy who was caught wasted no time divulging what he knew.

So after hearing the story, I described to the officer what was stolen, which was received by a chuckle, which was probably warranted given the item that was stolen. After he finished writing down everything in his little notepad, he got back in his cruiser and left the scene. I got myself back inside since it was pretty cold outside that morning.

My car has really taken a beating in the past few months.

Ten months after I began looking for a job, and over a year since I last held a job,  I can finally say that I am once again employed.

I spent all that time in between being fairly productive, although there are those who would say going to school full time just isn’t enough, though for some people your good enough is never enough. However, I managed to complete twenty-five credits of my degree, and at the end of this semester I’ll be a senior looking at nine credits left until I graduate. School, although it is keeping me extremely busy, is going really well, and I’m enjoying my classes. Which then brings me around to the situation I find myself in now.

After filling out well over a hundred applications, the last one was the charm. Here’s the time line:

Friday – I fill out the application online and submit it.

Monday – I get a call to come in for an interview.

Tuesday – I go in for the interview. I get hired, on the spot. Really. All I did was sit down in the office, and sign some papers. I was being interviewed for roughly five minutes. Corporate paperwork and background check are submitted.

Wednesday – I go back in to sign the returned paperwork, which by the GM’s own words came back quicker than any previous paperwork that she can remember. I sign the papers.

Friday – 8AM – I start my job.

From now on, on the weekends, you can find me working in the photo lab at the CVS on the corner of Campbell and Nantucket. And with that being said, I have to tell the bad news. Well, not so much bad news as just an unfortunate event. When I came home from work this afternoon, I had a bunch of things to take in with me, needless to say, I was just a bit discombobulated. Long story short, I locked my keys in my car. The last time I did that was several years ago, and I still lived in New Jersey, and help was never far away. But times have changed and I’m far away from home. Also no one within a seven-hundred mile radius has a spare key to my car. Yes I’m serious.

The good news about this was I was at home when it happened, the bad news was my key chain also had my house keys on it, which were in my car. Ten minutes later I get in the house through the secret passage. Four hours later the guy I called to help get my keys out of my car finally shows up and spends three minutes getting the lock open.

All in all, a pretty lousy cap to a pretty awesome week.

The car I drive now has been in my care for just over five years now. In that time I’ve managed to evade any major harm while I was in the car, as well as any harm to the car itself. The car is going on ten years old now, being manufactured in the Summer of 2000. So it necessarily has all the little dents and dings and tiny scratches that just seem to happen from driving your car to places like the Wal Mart parking lot, or on roads paved with gravel. Nothing of great note, until today.

Today someone decided to key my car. As per my usual Tuesday schedule, I drove up to school around a half an hour before my class began to idle around the parking lot waiting to snipe a spot to park. After about ten minutes of driving in circles, I got my chance and backed into the recently evacuated spot. I was parked in the spot from about 12:40 PM until around 3:20 PM, which was the time I was in my mixed media class.

Walking back to my car, I noticed the defacement immediately since I was walking toward the car on the side where the crime had been committed. This is what was waiting for me. A big X was carved into the right, rear door of my car. I did not notice any marks on any cars around me either, and both cars were dark colors, so I think I would have seem something, had there been something to see. This leads me to conclude that someone specifically targeted my car. Whether it was by chance it was my car that this person chose, or the person knew it was my car and I was the motive for their crime, I do not know. I do however have somewhat of a hunch, albeit a stretch.

The particular spot I was parked in today happens to be a spot that a very particular car parks in. The car that is parked in this spot is a blue Corvette, newer model. They are parked in this spot every single day, at least every day that I am on campus, and they are there longer than any day I am on campus for as well. This would be of little consequence, except for what I previously noted as well as the fact that whoever owns that car is your typical too-good-for-you, holier-than-thou type. My evidence: they park in the spot, halfway into the yellow lines that separate the road from the beginning of the parking spaces as if to say, I’m too good to park in between the lines. While of course what they’re actually saying is, I have many insecurities and I make up for them by driving this car, parking in the same spot every single day, and taking up what amounts to two spaces because I need you to know just how retarded I really am.

So to whoever decided to desecrate my car today, watch your back. You just gave me something to look at everyday, something to remind me so I wont forget about what you did. Something to keep my blood boiling.

For reference, Lot P is on the north end of the University of Texas at Dallas’ campus inbetween the engineering building and the inadequate ATEC building.

November 8, 2009 EDIT: As it turns out the Corvette that I mention in this post got the same treatment that my car got, only they got it across the hood. They still park like they never learned how to color inside the lines though.

Also, this post was featured in the UTD Mercury’s November 2nd, 2009 issue (Vol. XXIX, No. 18). Here’s the page, converted to a friendler format than PDF: link

:P

At present most of the heavy rain has passed. But for a while there, about a half an hour to forty-five minutes, it was raining cats and dogs outside. Slightly unexpected, though it was cloudy all day, it’s just not the time of year to get this kind of weather. Or maybe that’s just the non-Texan in me talking. Where I’m from, this amount of rainfall at this point in November, more often than not, resulted in dangerous sleet, if not full blown snow. Now November 10th would be somewhat early for snow, but it certainly wouldn’t be unheard of, and definitely not unexpected. But rest assured, some of that moisture falling from the sky would be frozen.

I remember driving plenty of times in rough weather conditions. Or being driven I should say. For the majority of my life, simply because I wasn’t old enough to be driving yet, my parents would drive us kids around (obviously). And many a time did we drive through snow. And many a time did we have to make critical decisions whether or not to venture out in the precipitation. Because when you travel in white out, icy conditions, there is a very immediate danger to life and limb. But I was luckily enough to not have to deal with it for the most part. Save for one time.

This was back, not too too long ago, but certainly in a very different life. I had a job at a the local Subway, and it was probably early in the year, January maybe. Everyone kept up with the forecasts, especially in the winter. So I was no dummy, I knew that that night it was probably going to snow, and I wasn’t scheduled to work that night. But the owner of the Subway called me up and asked me to come in. I was very weary of complying, since I knew I didn’t want to be out in that kind of weather. But she threatened me with my job basically (imagine that, threatening a 16 or 17 year old kid with their job, pretty low of them if you ask me), and I decided to go to work.

To make a long story, and believe me I could turn this into a very very long story, short, it began to snow that night, pretty badly. The three of us there (all under 19 mind you), decided to shut down the store early so we could still have a hope of making it home. What followed was probably my most harrowing driving experience ever. Now it wasn’t really that far from home to work, but the many hills and curves made the trip take longer, and make it much more dangerous in bad weather. For the most part taking it slow, very slow, can afford you some measure of insurance that you will come out of it ok, but safety is not guaranteed. Around the many bends and curves, I slowly made my way. I was driving in about a half a foot of snow, maybe a little more.

About two thirds of the way home stood my greatest obstacle, a rather daunting climb. I was driving a front wheel drive car, which gave me very little grip to play with while driving, let alone driving up a hill. Not wanting to lose any momentum I might have driving at about 20mph, I began the ascend. Driving in snow is scary, and my heart was in my throat at this point, I had made it this far, and this would be the great decider. There was really no one else on the road, so I pulled onto the left hand side of the road since it was slightly less steep than the right side. I gambled that there would be no one coming down as I was going up, because there was no way either of us would be able to get out of the way in time, not with the road as slick as it was.

I could feel the wheels slipping as I went up the hill. I was running the many scenarios through my head of what could happen between now and the top of the hill. I could lose traction and slip all the way to the bottom, or maybe slip into a ditch on the side of the road, both of which meant I probably wasn’t going to be able to get up the hill. Or a car could come slipping down the hill toward me and we would both be wiped out. I had major tunnel vision. I’m sure I was gripping the steering wheel about as hard as I ever have, concentrating solely on the feel of the tires, and the car, and the hill ahead of me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like a hill had such a steep incline than that night.

About halfway up the hill, the right hand side of the road became less steep than the left side, and I drifted into that lane. Apparently sometime between me beginning my climb and then, a person in a truck had began climbing the hill too, and I was oblivious to his presence. I don’t now how narrowly I missed hitting him, but luckily no accident occurred just then. I pulled to the right, and he pulled to the left, and gunned it up the hill, up and over and out of my sight, leaving me in the dust of the snow he was kicking up. Gee thanks.

Eventually the white knuckle ride of the hill was over. Going about as slow as physically possible without slipping back down, I chugged to the top where the road flattened out. At least for a few feet anyway. This was only an intersection, ahead of me lied the rest of the hill, though the worst was behind me, the taller half of the climb was over. If I could do that, I could tackle this I thought. Though I probably was giving myself spoken words of encouragement as well. I began to climb the second hill, much like the first. It wasn’t as tall as the one I had just conquered, but to the right side of the road, was a drop, not much, but not just a ditch on the side of the road, if you fell off this, your car was gone, rest assured. Which is why I felt a jolt of panic when my car suddenly lost traction.

I began to drift, my car swung clockwise, turning the front of the car toward the right hand side of the road, toward where I didn’t want to go. I would have much rather been facing the stone wall on the other side of the road, than a cliff. Everything I had been told about driving in snow suddenly kicked in. I immediately let off the gas, and didn’t make any sudden motions with the steering wheel. And let me tell you, it is not easy when you are panicking. I turned the wheel slightly to the left to try and get the car back on course, just barely feathering the gas. Thankfully the car managed to right itself, and I didn’t go off a cliff that night.

Only being able to drive at a snails pace really turns a bad experience worse. You desperately want it to be over, but you know if you rush, it will be over and sooner than you planed, as you life might be. So I continued slowly on my journey, and now the worst really was behind me. For the remainder of the trip home I took to slow and drove in the middle of the road. I only saw that one other truck on the road the whole way home. And home is where I managed to get to that night. Probably the best feeling of pulling into the driveway I’ve ever felt. And luckily I’ve not had to drive in such bad conditions since. I’ll probably be a bit wiser about evil employers trying to sucker me into doing things that are hazardous to my health in the future as well.

But this is all besides the point. What I really wanted to talk about tonight was this: Chinese Democracy. You may be familiar with it, you may not be. Either way, there’s a free Dr.Pepper in it for you. I say, enjoy a free Dr.Pepper, compliments of Dr Pepper Snapple Group and Guns N’ Roses, whether you like music 17 years in the making or not. Free stuff always tastes better.

Suffice it to say that I am not on the best of terms with my grandparents, of whose house I currently reside, for free. Whatever the reason, it would inevitably make for an awkward conversation when I have to tell them their car is sitting in some garage because it’s broken down, and that I was the one driving it when it broke down. A few phone calls later, I had found out that they knew in what condition their car was in, and weren’t surprised that it stopped working, though being a little irked probably wasn’t left out of the emotions exhibited by the owning party. They decided to have it towed to the Toyota dealer to have it repaired, instead of the shop where it sat now. So it was going to get fixed one way or the other. But it reminded me of this particular episode of King of the Hill.

About a week later, my brother and I go to pick up the car from the dealership. IT of course if fixed and ready to go. The repairs cost around $550 all told, guess there was more wrong with it than a slipping belt. Oh well, the grandparents were footing the bill after all, and I was benefiting for it. But the car was now repaired, and I hoped it was ready for another try, as I was getting mighty antsy at this point to get this whole ordeal over with. So a few days later I got up again at 5:30, and arrived at the DPS slightly earlier than I did last time, but the line was not visibly any shorter. I stood around outside, with my fellow line waiters and watched the sun rise. This of course wasn’t the only thing we were treated with watching.

The DPS is one of the seediest places you can find that probably isn’t hazardous to your health by simply being there. But it seems like all the bottom of the barrel people come out to roost at the DPS, myself included. I was after all actively breaking a rather serious law for about eight months. But this day it seemed I wasn’t the only one with vehicle woes. And this is more of an anecdote than anything else. In front of me in line were two guys about my age I’m assuming, who acted as if a Greek chorus to the events we witnessed throughout the day. First up, was a woman and her car, daughter’s car perhaps since it was the daughter who pulled up in it. But after she arrived, her mother tasked herself to cleaning out the car.

Normally this wouldn’t warrant an explanation of its own, but this lady pulled out about three large black trash bags out of the back seat, which may or may not have been filled with trash, and stuffed them in the trunk. She took out countless little pieces of trash and objects of indefinite origin, and threw them too in the trunk. All this while she is doing this she has a bottle of some sort of air freshener and dousing the vehicles upholstery. The chorus next to me readily observed that she’s gotta empty a half a bottle of febreeze to get the funk out. She spent a good twenty minutes if not more in this endeavor. Cleaning a car isn’t in itself comical, but watching someone shoot half a bottle of air freshener into a car with earnest, enough that you can smell it twenty feet away, and imagining exactly what kind of funk was hidden in that car, is.

But at length she completed her job, and with her husband (I’m presuming) took to the blinker, which was hanging out the side of the car by it’s wires. They took some duct tape and taped it back onto the car as if this is exactly how it was supposed to be. Everyone chuckled at this prospect, it was a good relief from the endless waiting we were doing. Eventually the doors to the DPS were opened and we filed in, instructed to hurry up and wait, which we patiently did. This went on for another 45 minutes, at least. Meanwhile, I was the silent listener to my chorus describing the situation among themselves. So basically, we come here to wait in a line, to wait in a line, to get an appointment, to wait in another line?

Yep, sounds about right to me, one said to the other. The bluntness of their observations was quite fitting given the context, I thought. So after I got to the end of this line, the two guys ahead of me, who I had been listening to, had gotten the last 9:00 appointment period they had, and I was forced to settle for a 10:00 time. I scoffed at her, but at the same time, I was happy I was finally about to finish this thing. I ended up having to wait around for an hour before 10 rolled around, so I went to an adjacent parking lot and took a nap. But eventually the bell tolled and it was my time, my time to drive.

Without incident, I pulled up to the line, which was rather short, and waited for my turn to take the driving test. I Was slightly sweating the prospect that I might inadvertently fail on some technicality, but I held faith in my years of driving experience, I wasn’t after all a 15 year old id just starting out driving. As it turns out my fears were completely unfounded. I spent what probably amount to five minutes doing “behind the wheel”. All the instructor had me do was drive around a small neighborhood. Two right hand turns, two left hand turns, and an example of me driving in reverse, I was awarded with a passing grade, I was cleared to finally get my license in the state of Texas.

I went back into the DPS triumphant! But this was something they see hundreds of times a week, I was nothing special, I was nothing but a number to them. In fact, and this is one of he reasons I was reluctant to get one in the first place, I am (along with the rest of us) criminals in the eyes of the government. I sold my soul to get a driver’s license. Getting a thumb print scan might not seem like such a big deal to some people, but this is where I get on my soap box. Regardless, I submitted to being fingerprinted, and having my photo taken (this is sounding like another government institution! Nah, must just be me)

After this was done with, the woman told me I can expect to have my license within 30 days, and hands me the piece of paper hat would be my license until I received the real thing in the mail. And with that, I had done it. Roughly eight months after I has begun this quest, I had reached my goal, and victory was bittersweet. And with grave excitement, I received my license in the mail a day after I posted the first entry in the Laborious License series on September 26th, 22 days after I was at the DPS, hopefully for a very very long time.

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I hope you enjoyed my lengthy tale of melancholy, if you managed to get this far I salute you. But this was a story that was begging to be told, and I had to get it off my chest and written down somewhere, what better place than here? Don’t worry, I’ve got some posts coming that are less wall-o-text, and more interactive. But at least you were (hopefully) entertained!

So in the end it doesn’t even matter it was the vehicle itself that did me in, not my negligence to get gas. But whatever the reason, I was literally dead in the water. Invariably the instructor came to my vehicle, not knowing it was incapacitated and began to go through their checklist of things to make sure the car was up to snuff. Without power, the car was having trouble doing things like rolling the windows, or using the blinkers, both of which the instructor wanted me to do. I was reluctant to roll down the window (which she wanted) because I knew if I rolled it down, I might now be able to get it back up, never mind the fact it was pouring down rain. But I opened the door and informed her that my car was broken down. She told me I was going to have to roll it out of the way, and I thought that just so generous of her, to help out like that.

Then the next instructor came over, ready to proceed with the driving exam. This time it was one of the police officers who works at the DPS. I had to explain to him that my car was still broken down. And he told me that he’ll try to get someone to help me in a little while. He then proceeds to the next car, and the cycle continued, unabated and without me for about 30 more cars. I sat there for around an hour and a half before the same cop came around with his squad car and helped me to jump start it, but not before one more different instructor came to my car wanting to give me the test. You have to understand my frustration at this point. It was like having something so close, only a few simple turns of a wheel stand between you and your goal, yet circumstances played out about as abysmally as possible.

So the cop gets out with jumper cables in hand, I follow suit. I pop the hood and step outside, I watch as he hooks up the cables to his battery, as I prepared my (obviously old) battery. After getting the cable hooked up he instructs me to crank it, like soulja boy. I do, and the first time nothing, not a good sign. Fortunately the failure to start was due simply to crossed wiring, got that switched, and I go to crank it again. This time it stutters and feels like it’s having a very difficult time starting, but it does. I get out and take a look at the engine. The cop was looking rather nonchalant, and told me in the same nonchalant tone of voice that the belt that connected the engine to the alternator was basically coming off its pulley. I looked for myself, and “coming off the pulleys” is a gross understatement. The belt was flailing wildly, being kept on probably by gravity itself, it really was a miracle I made it to the DPS that day and didn’t just stall out in the middle of the road.

The police officer tells me to take the car to the, and how convenient is this, garage right next to the DPS, just a few hundred feet from where I’m parked right now. The car was running, but barely. Since it was raining, I tried the windshield wipers, and on the lowest setting they ran about three times slower than they should have, and barely made it all the way up and back again, but I had to be able to see. I was torn about moving from the spot I was in, experience told me to let the alternator charge up a bit before moving, but then in not moving I risked stalling out again, which I absolutely did not want to have happen.  I opted to try and limp my way to the garage. In the rain, barely able to see, I drove about 5 miles an hour to my destination. Just as I was about to back into a parking spot right outside the shop, the car died entirely. Luckily I was far enough in the spot as not to be in the middle of the road, but there it was, dead as dead can be.

I went in the garage, and told the mechanic my woeful story, and handed over the key to a car with an uncertain future. Which of course left me (and it could have been worse) a few miles from my house. I summed up the situation and decided to just bite the bullet and walk home, which wouldn’t be bad, except it was still raining quite heavily. So I walked a few miles home in the rain, took me about an hour to finally get there. I arrived soaked to the bone, cold, and over the next days fearing that I had contracted pneumonia (my lungs were hurting for about two weeks after this).

So there I was, up the creek without a paddle, wondering what on earth I was going to do now. Stay tuned for the epic conclusion!

Like the fellowship traveling ever closer to Mt. Doom, I was on a collision course with my own personal mountain of doom, or maybe just some major inconveniences. My vehicle is as previously stated, out of state. My brother’s car, while registed in the great state of Texas, is a manual transmission. Of course I’ve never driven a manual transmission car, so passing the road test in style (it’s a Porsche) was out of the question. Luckily for me though, I along with my brother, live in our grandparent’s house here in Plano. They are gone most of the time however, they reside in their new home in New Mexico, but while they are away they leave one of their cars here. The car they have here fits the requirements for the Department of Public Safety’s road test for prospective drivers; it is registered in Texas, inspected, and insured. The only problem is that it is also falling apart.

And therein lied the problem, unbeknown to me of course. I had driven it a few places before, it had some pretty bad crunching sounds coming from the right front wheel, sounded like it was about to come off its bearings, but other than running pretty abysmally, it still passed the inspection, so it was good to go as far as DPS was concerned. The morning I got up to go take the driving test, it was drizzly at about 6 AM. Since no one really uses the car, there was very little gas in the tank, I contemplated stopping for gas before arriving at the DPS, but I didn’t want to risk losing any position in line that I may have gotten if I stopped for anything. Gas remained critically low in the tank. To add injury to potential injury, on my way to the DPS, the check engine in the car came on, which almost stopped me dead in my tracks. My heart sank once again, as I knew they would most likely not let me take the test, granted they were actually looking at my dash. But before I got there, they light flickered off and I gave a big sigh of relief.

Showing up at a place and seeing a line already twenty people long at 6:30 in the morning is a little disheartening, especially since you know there isn’t a shiny new video game console waiting for you inside, only the cold stares of workers paid by the government. But what can you do, I’m sure the people who are first in line show up roughly around 5 AM, and it only grows from there, I’m also sure this happenes every single day. But I sat there and waited until it opened, at around 8. The cop handed us our papers, and we got to wait in another line, to wait to be told to go wait outside in the line of cars. So after I waited inside, I got my “appointment” to take the driver’s test. This was around 9:30 or so, and I pulled into my spot in the line of cars. There were about 11 cars ahead of me, and by now it was raining heavily to raining lightly, and back to heavily again. It was fairly miserable, but my spirits were high as I was, after many months of putting it off, about to claim my prize.

The times between tests were long, I’d say about 15 minutes. Initially I was just leaving the car running while I waited, but then the gas factor began to plague me, I needed to conserve gas if I was to not run out and strand myself in this parking lot. I began turning off the car when I wasn’t moving, which was most of the time, since we only moved one car length at a time. Each time it was necessary to move foward, I would start the car, and each time to car would stutter and huff and puff and barely start, only it got progressively worse each time. At this point I was desperately hoping that it would start each time because it really seemed that it wasn’t going to, but I never really seriously thought that it wouldn’t actually, you know, start. But it did just that.

The car ahead of me had just left its spot as the next one to go, now it was my turn to take the test. Excitedly I turned the key in the ignition… *crank crank crank crank crank* “No…” *crank crank crank crank crank crank crank* My jaw fell open. This can’t be happening. No this can’t be. *crank crank crank crank crank* Nope, it was for real. I was the next one to go, the next one to take the test, the first in line, about to complete this menial task so that I can get a driver’s license, and my car stalls out.

It was pouring down rain, my car wouldn’t start, this day just went from wholly optomistic to one of the worst in my life, and it was only 10:30 in the morning.

I was asked to produce the necessary documents, drivers license, insurance, and registration. All of which save for one was good. Well he takes these and returns to his vehicle, leaving me to sit and savor the situation. My heart is blowing out ventricles thinking about all the wonderful possibilities this encounter might have. He returns to my car, and begins the questioning.

Where ya headed this night? Where ya coming from? Do you have a job? Did you know your license has expired? The dreaded question finally arises. Faced with this inquisition I revert back to the policy that lost me the chance to get my license in the first place, honesty. Though in this situation, it was a bit more prudent that I be truthful at once, instead of taking a risky gamble and lie. So I told him that it would be a lie if I didn’t know it was expired. He just kind of looked at me, while I looked at him, then he began writing down info on a ticket. Of course, the reason he pulled me over in the first place had nothing to do with this. The reason he pulled me over was that both of the little lights that illuminate the license plate in the rear were out. So if it hadn’t been for that, I most likely would have been left alone.

But he hands me his clipboard, with his scrawlings of my infractions on it, and tells me to sign if I understand what I have been charged with. I comply and sign the piece of paper, not signing it would definitely land me in a place I don’t want to be! I hand the clipboard back, he takes his copy of the ticket, hands me mine, and a piece of paper with all the info on how to pay for it. He issues his departing words, and leaves me with a $260 gift card Judge Theresa Farris, courtesy of me. Ouch.

So I ended up having to pay for my not having a valid license to be driving a motorized vehicle. But this just left a sour taste in my mouth, and I put off doing anything about getting a new license for as long as I could, you might say the thought didn’t even cross my mind for months. I began the Summer semester at UTD, I got a parking pass with my bogus license and out of state registration. But that’s ok, this way I won’t get arrested for having a registered car without it being properly inspected, in the state of Texas. (hi Dan!) Time passed, and it was nearing the beginning of the Fall semester. I decided to quit my job, and focus on school, so after a year and a day working at PETCO, I vacated my position. This is the motivation I needed to make me finally go out and get my license.

I knew to get another job, I was going to need some sort of Texas ID (my NJ license was still good when I got the PETCO job, and they accepted it all the same). So upon realizing that without an ID, my money making abilities were greatly stunted, I began my journey anew, to claim the elusive license.

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The date was January 27th, 2005. I was in my nearest Department of Motor Vehicles office, getting my full drivers license, after passing the driving test. It was also in New Jersey, where this story begins.

Fast forward three years, the beginning of 2008. I have been living in Plano since June of the prior year. I had put off renewing my driver’s license as long as I could. In fact I went to the Plano DMV, now DPS, on the day my license was set to expire (January 31, 2008), in hopes I could get myself a Texas driver’s license. And what unfolded is a story that as of yet remains unfinished.

It is worth noting, and keep this in mind, that I drive a car that is registered in New Mexico, New Mexico plates and all. Funny thing about New Mexico is that they don’t require you to have your vehicle in any sort of standard running condition. Pretty much all you need is to have insurance for it, and have a couple of bucks, and you can get your vehicle registered in the state of New Mexico.

Normally registering my car in Texas wouldn’t be a problem, except there was a problem, and that problem came in the form of the check engine light. This of course amounts to an auto-fail in the inspection department. So registering my car ended up looking like an expensive proposition, not one that I was inclined then, or now to persue. But there I was, back on January 31st, waiting for my turn to tell the woman at the DPS what it is I needed. Finally my turn came, and here is where everything went awry, I made the crucial error of divulging that I indeed have a car registered in my name. I figured, honesty is the best policy, but this was before she told me that I would need to register my car before they could issue me a license.

I left that day empty handed, it wouldn’t be the first time either. Since they wouldn’t give me a license, I decided to just forget about it for a while, and laid low with my driving. I began to drive the speed limit everywhere, no exceptions, practiced the best of driving procedures that I knew how, as to avoid any unwanted attention. Unfortunately for me, one night I attracted such attention. I was on my way to Houston, I guess it was around 11PM, it was dark anyway, and there was little traffic. I was driving through a town called Fairfield on route 45, in Freestone County.

It must be noted that I was driving with a radar detector on, for it is because of this that the cop who was driving north as I was driving south, decided to swing around and start following me. There was only a truck ahead of me, so I was the likely target to have a device such as this on board. My heart sank as I saw the headlights swing around through the median, it sank lower when those headlights sped up behind me, then pulled up beside me, then behind me again. My heart hit bottom when inevitably he turns on his lights, and pulls me over. (What is the penalty for driving with an expired license!? Wait, I’m driving an out of state car, with an expired license from another state.! Oh geez oh man oh geez, I probably look pretty suspicious right about now!)

My worst fear had come to pass, not only that, I was in the middle of semi-nowhere! I feared the worst, everything did not check out…